Lyssa's Lyfe Lessonz

Dear Myss Lyss,

            First of all, quit the nickname. Unfortunately, it does not catch on, so do not ask your mom to get it printed on the back of your brand-new sweat shirt. Confused yet? Yes, it is me, and I am you, only one year older.

            Let me prove it to you. You sleep with a stuffed bear named Bear. You know every word to every High School Musical song. You play scrabble against yourself in your free time. You have not only a homemade logo for yourself, but also an original theme song to the tune of “You’re the One That I Want” from Grease (To pick a lyric at random—“I got skilllssss and I know it”).

            Now that I have gained so much wisdom at Chagrin Falls Middle School, I wanted to communicate with my eleven-year-old self and share some insight on how to become the “cool kid” in sixth grade. Step one: ALWAYS sit in the back of the bus. Not only does it secure your social status, but you will also learn some quality cuss words such as “stupid,” “butt,” and “idiot.” Step two: Always wear pig tails. From normal to braided, this effortless hair style remains timelessly stunning. To complete the look, I recommend a nice shade of Girl Scout khaki pants with a horizontally striped Aeropostale polo. Have no fear, for boys will crawl all over you in no time. Step three: rainbow braces. If you need to keep up a mouth full of metal, why not dazzle your classmates with every color they could ever imagine? I currently sport a combination of deep mahogany and aquamarine green, and I can tell by the way that my fellow seventh graders cackle at me that their envy runs deep. Step four: write more lyrics to that catchy theme song of yours. Whenever I think of it, I picture myself as Olivia Newton-John in John Travolta’s hunky arms as he serenades me beside the Trabant at Blossom Time.  Finally, step five: whenever someone insults you, simply flip a pig tail, snap a finger, and sassily sing the classic Jonas Brothers lyric: “I’m hot, you’re cold.” Their face will say it all.

            With these steps, you will effortlessly become the most popular kid in sixth grade.   I mean, with all my 12 year old experience, you could basically call me an expert on life. Have a great rest of your year, baby Alyssa, and never forget your inner superstar.

                                                                                    Best of luck,

                                                                                             Alyssa Christine Marquette

                                                                                             Age 12