The Alyssa Method

THE ALYSSA METHOD: AN INTRODUCTION

           Hello. If you find yourself reading this, it is because you sent away for my course, and if you did THAT, it’s because you need to learn how to become a better AP English student. A better grade? Increased confidence and fluidity? Advanced mental techniques that will help you at home or in Ms. Serensky’s classroom? Well, yes, I can offer you all these things…but in order to have and enjoy them, you have to create a new YOU! More than just a writing course, I designed the Alyssa Method to produce bright and capable young men and women who can inherit the challenging, promising, and often difficult world that awaits them in AP English. Below you will learn what you can do to survive the world of AP English.

UNDERSTANDING THE SELF…AND THE WRITING PARTNER

        Both the body and mind are parts of a biological robot that our immaterial souls inhabit. Likewise, you and your writing partner share the same bond. Like any machine, you can tune and improve your writing partner relationship to make it run more efficiently. Through meditation and daily mind-reading exercises, you and your writing partner may come to use your minds in ways that you never thought possible.

HEALTH AND THE BODY OF THE HAND.

          In AP English, you will explore the connection between mind, body, and hand. You will learn how to conquer the possibility of sick days, because trust me: you will not have time for these in AP English. I also recomend a number of techniques for relaxing and alleviating the cramps in your hand muscles.

YOU AND MS. SERENSKY

           Just as you evolved into a whole organic being, complete unto yourself, so are you also part of a larger and more intelligent organism: Ms. Serensky. When Ms. Serensky feels strong and healthy in mind and body, you will want to react in a healthy and positive way also. You will change your classroom for the better, and you will improve both yourself and your fellow AP Englisher.

         So, in conclusion, welcome to the Alyssa Method for AP English fitness and self-improvement—a step-by-step guide to realizing exciting potentials latent within you. You will find a bright new English class just around the corner. It will need English heroes just as badly as your current English class does, and one of them could become YOU!

All best wishes and encouragement,
Alyssa Marquette

Call Me Two Chinz

Dear Mr. Wanz,

            Hi! My name is Kate. I don’t know if you remember me, but we had a “moment” together not too long ago. Our eyes met. A flash snapped as the camera went off to document our first meeting. I could tell by the way you briefly acknowledged my existence and replied to a tweet of mine (claiming “we is cute!!”), that you felt the connection. Since we had such a brief interaction, I wanted to let you get to know me on a WHOLE NEW LEVEL. Consider this your very own “K8 is Gr8” experience: a day in my life. Before we begin though, I need a quick snack…ok two pizzas, a loaf of bread, and a bushel of apples should do it. So to start my morning, I eat an entire cow with a side of toast. Delicious! At this point, however, I know I have to hurry. So I throw my backpack, lunch, track bag, and little brother Peter onto my back and swim to school. Not possible, you think? Secret confession: I turn asphalt into water. Trying to beat my personal record of 3:24.76 (in minutes), I arrive at school. But the hunger overtakes me, and I eat my friend Claire Kampman. My bad! To get through the school day, I try to turn myself into an African- American hip hop artist through the ingenious music of Ms. Nicki Minaj. I believe that within every white girl lives her ghetto alter-ego; mine just wishes to escape more often. When that endeavor turns out unsuccessful, I feel hungry again, so I eat my friend Katie McCormack. Oops! After a long, hard day of eating with some learning periodically scattered throughout, I go to track practice. Kirk Daddy tells us our workout for the day, 5,000,000 repeats—good one! I eat him too, and then I run a half marathon at a 4x400 pace. Emma Allen usually needs a ride home, so I throw her on my back and practice my breast stroke down Bell Street. Once I settle down at home with a bowl of cereal (the milk gallon served as the bowl, of course), I begin to check my Twitter. From Two Chinz to Rap Game Glenna, I think of my twitter friends as my real friends. And that now includes you! Well, Mr. Wanz, that pretty much sums up my day!  I hope you feel as if you truly know me on a whole new level. I must warn you, however, that this white girl’s heart beats only for an Indian soulmate. I hope you can understand.

                                                                                                Your biggest fan forever,

                                                                                                            Kate Girouard

SOSS (Save Our Social Statuses)

      Judgment: the ultimate high school petty crime. From a strange outfit one sees in the hallway to the occasional wish to lash out at a good friend, I believe the majority of us can admit to having committed such offenses.  Although petty in nature throughout high school, I often feel nervous for the judgment that my classmates will pass on me in college. Will they think me strange if I remain too quiet? Obnoxious if I act too outgoing? The balance seems so delicate, and my nerves come alive whenever I think of the tightrope I will balance in just a few months. As a whole, however, I hope to uphold the same persona I have developed throughout high school while at the University of Michigan. I want to appear knowledgeable to my fellow classmates, for I fear they will possess intellectual capacities far greater than my own. I want to appear quick-witted and good natured, for I often find myself searching for these qualities in others. Most importantly, I want my future classmates to view me as friendly. As a self-proclaimed homebody, I fear the swell of homesickness throughout my first few months at Michigan. I accept this fear, and I can only hope that I will have a new group of friends that can help me along the way. With the passing of petty high school judgment, I believe I can slip into my new Ann Arbor life with ease—as long as I can disprove any scarlet and grey ties of course.